Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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