The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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