So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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