i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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