Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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