oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Girls should come with a carfax report
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
