im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
