worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
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i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
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I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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