I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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