yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
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