I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I am midnight drunk by noon
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
