Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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