therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
