I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
