That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize