He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
