So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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