dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
