Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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