I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I have post one night stand depression
Dear god my vagina.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
