i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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