3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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