my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
is wine microwaveable?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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