just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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