just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
