they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
