so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
