just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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