Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
