I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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