420 ftw
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
