I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
