I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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