hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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