you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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