I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
