lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
