I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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