I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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