having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
