last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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