The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
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