I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
