I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
