college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
