i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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