Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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