Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
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