then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
