He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
