I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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