Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
