i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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