Me too!
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
