people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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