How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
