very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
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