You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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