I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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