I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize