Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
