standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
that may or may not have been my penis.
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