i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
