Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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