While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I need moral support for this bender
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
