the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
