I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
