If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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