I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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